I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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