Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
