We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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