Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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