Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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