Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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