Kiss
Puke
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize