we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Randomize