Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
