I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
