"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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