I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
