Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
