I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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