Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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