i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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