He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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