Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
