Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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