Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
