Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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