so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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