Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize