Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
