dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We're too hungover to prance.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
how does that bad decision feel?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
