1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
