yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize