Nicole vs. Life
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
