i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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