I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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