That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
