i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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