Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
