hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
