I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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