i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
