Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
