...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
