i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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