thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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