So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
