I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
