Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
