Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it was like eating out sand paper
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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