how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
