That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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