my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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