Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
