Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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