my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
