remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
