Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
