Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
