we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
