Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
