i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
