4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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