Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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