I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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