Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize